Round 14 – 2022

Round 14 returned a glut of strong results for the club with 7/8 wins as the Gulls enjoyed a week off with the bye. The A-Grade side extended their Win-streak as spectators looked on from the picturesque Dave’s Deck at Kingsway. After a strong win earlier in the day, the Reserves enjoyed a spread of top-tier Chips and Gravy and pints thanks to the Roo Faithful. Across the other grades, the colts continue to win while the lower grades enjoyed their first glimpse of the new Osborne Park Deck – before coming home with a pair of W’s.
Both sides of the pillow were Cool for the Women’s sides as the Stormers put Coolbellup to the sword and the Peacocks fell valiantly short to Coolbinia.

With four rounds left for the Guys and three for the girls, read how each side is set up for the run home here. 

Steinepreis Paganin A-Grade

University 13.10 88 defeated Kingsway 5.5 35

The league side made it 7 wins on the trot as they were victorious over last years premiers by 53 points.

With 5 forced changes due to injury and unavailability, Uni still rolled out a strong side to take on the dangerous Kingsway. 

The first half was largely frustrating and inconsistent, as we produced periods of good and poor play. The previous matches against Kingsway have always been a tight tussle and this was no different as they pounced on any lapses in concentration and sweated on our turnovers. Veterans Matt Davies and Tim O’Hara were two of the most impactful players in the first half, both showing a level head when it was needed, as Uni entered the main break leading by 7 points.

Uni was able to flick the switch in the second half as we tidied up our ball use and moved the footy with real purpose. Nate Blakely was brilliant in the ruck giving first use to our midfielders as we gained ascendency in that part of the ground. We turned up the defensive effort and were able to provide our forwards plenty of supply with Leigh Kohlman being the main beneficiary kicking 4 majors. 

Overall, it was a pleasing result, moving the team into 4th place. The road to September doesn’t get any easier, as we host Scarborough who had a great win of their own. With only 6 points separating 2nd and 6th, we have everything to play for over the final month of the season.

Goals: Kohlman 4, Davies, Trombetta 2, Barton, Moloney, West, Q. Donaldson, McKay

Best: O’Hara, Harding, Davies, Moloney, Colvin, Q. Donaldson

4 Pines A-Reserves

University 15.8 98 defeated Kingsway 4.4 28

The Ressies have had another stellar performance winning by 70 points against an undermanned Kingsway on Saturday. Coming into the game the Ressies have plenty of changes to the side that beat TAs with injuries and absences making for a different line-up.

In any case, the coaches were confident that this group would still get the job done. It was exciting to see the returns of Fossil, Sarge, Sammy Garstone as well as two coltas doubling up in Hamish Dickins and Nick Cooley which provided some needed spark for the group.

The boys had a ripping start to the game kicking 6 in the first quarter, which was followed up with 5 in the second. Willo and Cruddy were both terrific in the midfield, and ultimately were a significant part in setting up the massive lead we had attained at half-time. Notably, Frenchy took a decent grab, played on and jailed a goal from 60 (25) out in the first quarter in his attempt to continue pushing the “Full Forward Frenchy” mantra he has spoken about for approximately 3 years. 

The rest of the game turned into a bit of an arm wrestle which was a credit to Kingsway. Hoppo and Donny played great games down back and have continued their form following the TAs game.

Overall, it was a satisfying performance with the boys doing what we had to do.  Denty and Garstone (both kicked 4 on the day) were great options and proved too dangerous for the Kingsway defenders.

Following the game, a cracking bus trip followed with some of the great ‘ra cha chas’ primarily revolving around lamb shanks.

Next week we move onto a season defining game against Scarborough at home. A win against Scabs will put us in control of our own destiny for the remaining three weeks. Hopefully with a few blokes coming back into the side we can continue the momentum we have been gathering and come away with a massive W.

Come on you Poodles.

Votes: Willo (5); Hoppo (4); Cruddy (3); Donny (2); Denty & Garstone (1)

Goals: Garstone & Denty (4); Chaz, Ollie O, Frenchy, Cullo, Fossil, Dicko & Sarge (1)

Phil Scott Colts

University 13.10 88 defeated Kingsway 2.4 16

Crossing Law A-Grade Women Stormers

University 12.11 83 defeated Coolbellup 0.3 3

UWA have sent an ominous warning to their finals rivals, chalking up their biggest win of the season over Coolbellup on Saturday.
The Stormers were simply irresistible, kicking their biggest score of the season to prevail 12.11 (83) to 0.3 (3).
Pleasingly, the Stormers were able to overcome some early inaccuracy after Jen opened proceedings with a ripper on the run
For a brief moment, UWA peppered (not the Loz kind) the goals and struggled to get reward for their immense effort.
But after a massive second quarter, UWA took complete control of t he contest and didn’t look back.
Although it’s worth acknowledging how understrength the Cougars were after six of their players pulled the pin on Saturday morning, you can’t take any shine off the Stormers.
Pip ‘dad’ Pienaar kicked five after we learnt at half-time coach Beaton would buy her lunch is she kicked four, prompting the Stormers to target her with every inside 50.
Captain Annie ‘Simmo’ Simpson bravely played on despite receiving a death threat after shepparding a Cougar in the contest, prompting the opposition to declare “if you touch me again I’ll kill you.”
While Tash Anderson was as prolific as Lauren on Instagram in Melbourne last week  (definitely reposted the same mirror selfie every day), racking up the disposals and driving UWA forward.
With a sizeable lead in the bank at three-quarter time, coach Beaton decided it was well and truly party time for the Stormer.
Shuffling the magnets, girls got some opportunities in some new and unknown positions.
It couldn’t be better summarised by Isla ‘Siz’ Holmes, who was assigned the role of spare in defence, venturing into the Stormers forward line to attempt to take a kick out only to realise her own team had scored a behind and it was Coolbellup’s ball.
But there was one move literally everyone was waiting for.
So stoic in defence all season, backline stalwarts Molly Goldacre and Eliza Reilly were thrown forward in the last quarter (far too late in the season IMO) tasked with piling on more scoreboard pain.
Reilly got an opportunity early when an inbound kick bounced just in front of her so when she felt the slightest contact from her opposition in the back, she lunged forward with a big dollop of mayo knowing this might be her only chance.
It prompted the furious Cougar to yell out “keep your feet you big fkn sook I know what you did spastic” as Reilly was attempting to compose herself.
Ngl the taunt worked and the kick dropped just short.
But after several other chances in what was one of the ‘almost’ great individual quarters, Reilly’s moment finally came.
Pip had just kicked her fifth goal (thanks to Reilly shepparding her opponent) and less than 2 minutes were left on the clock prompting cries of “one more.”
Then, new recruit Adele Arnup won the ball out of the wing and charged inside 50, sending a well directed ball right to the goal line.
And then, out of nowhere, Reilly wrestles her opponent to the side and marks just before the line.
The siren sounds, and she launched one half post high to extend the margin to 80 points.
Was Adele’s kick going to go through? Runner Jim said yes and accused Reilly of denying her goal of the year.
But Arnup had already spilt the PFL’s potential mark of the year in the goal square earlier in the game, so it was only fair she was denied both and she’ll get another chance – Reilly won’t.
The end.

Brewhub C4-Grade Pirates

University 11.12 78 defeated Osborne Park 5.9 39

The Pirates got the job done against Osborne Park with a 39 point win. It was a strong team performance across the board in an open and free flowing game.

Sando continued to successfully roll out his patented slow motion candy selling, whilst Smally was able to clunk just about everything that came his way in an impressive 5 goal effort. Despite losing Callum ‘Kirk’ Kirk to injury, the midfield were able to get on top throughout with Rossco, Snicko and Winners all finding plenty of the footy with Demon stepping up in the ruck on the back end of a back to back after playing with the dingoes earlier.

Kettle slotted seamlessly into the back 6 with Hilux and Squid continuing their good form as Justy continued to be an important connector across half forward.

Overall there were a lot of strong performances in an important win. The pirates are currently in 5th position and play Armadale next week.

Goals: Smally 5, Sando, Drags, Klaz, Bez, Justy, Winners 1

BDO C4-Reserves Dingoes

University 23.16 154 defeated Osborne Park 4.2 26

With the Dings sitting pretty at 12-1 and a game clear on top, Coach Dyl decided to take a much deserved break. Normally this would leave us in disarray however the boys rallied together with Demon and Erk Dog doing the team address and 1Z and Twiggy on the magnets.

We arrived at Grenville Reserve to overcast conditions however soon realised the clouds were just from one of OP’s players punching his vape prior to the warm up. The first quarter started well with big Sammy Butler feeding it to our mids and our forwards making the most out of repeated inside 50 entries. From there it was pretty easy work for the boys with everyone getting plenty of the pill and every forward hitting the scoreboard. Shoutout to Seal Murderer for his first game back since round 1 and to Harps who finally toughened up and played through his hernia to kick a bag of 6. In the end we ran away as 128 point victors giving us a nice percentage boost and some confidence going into Armadale next week which will be one of the all time great Road Trips. 

Best: Big Al, Harps, Butler, Demon, Matty Les, Taras, Blakey & Jesse

Brett Jones Colts 


Subi Hotel Laurie Keene Colts C-Gulls

University 11.13 79 defeated Warnbro 1.1 7

Steinepreis Paganin C2-Grade Peacocks

University 1.2 8 defeated by Coolbinia 2.6 18

Lining up against the second best team in the Grade, the Peacocks were keen to show how much they had improved since they had met in Round 4, when the uni girls had been held scoreless in a rough loss. A solid start from an A grade quality midfield, followed by Kim’s clever tap away from goals gave Sahara the chance to turn on the jets and kick a clean opener from a tight angle. The mids were formidable, with Bash thoroughly enjoying her time with the Cocks, Amity producing a best on ground performance and Carla leaving her heart, soul and (literal) guts out on the ground. The confident start continued through the first quarter with the backline holding up under great pressure as Coolbinia only managed to score a single minor. 

The second quarter continued with the kind of effort that would surely make Dave proud. Christabel and Holly made an accidental blood pact putting their heads over the ball, and may well end up sporting the kind of matching scars that make you a Peacock for life. Sahara nearly recreated her first quarter magic to kick the goal of the year, but the umpire’s subsequent behind signal made us all wonder if we couldn’t just make the padding a bit thinner? After all, I have seen far more Chooty gals hospitalised from friendly fire over the years than from ever running into the post. Coolbinia doubled their score thanks to a behind from Bash, whose enthusiasm and effort could not be doubted by either side. 

After holding the lead into the half time break, the team were keen to continue on with the same fighting spirit. In a week where the Chooty squad was already short on talls, losing our starting ruck to the hospital meant that Em Simpson had to step up, and step up she did, holding her own against a far more experienced opponent. Unfortunately, clean kicking and some good runs of play saw the opposition kick two goals to take an 8 point lead. While rumour has it that one of those goals was very much a point, the Cocks were still well in it at the final change. 

The final quarter was a blur of high intensity, gritty, never say die effort. Having been down rotations for most of the game, the team were running on fumes, not least Soph Walford, who must have been running on sheer willpower given that I don’t think there was any oxygen going into those lungs. An unusually fired up Bec Moore showed that a tough match of footy can sometimes break even the most calm and composed of demeanours, but she was really just verbalising how we all felt anyway. The defence held up superbly and Soph Mac stuck out a leg to stop an attempt on goal that was reminiscent of some very popular Cardi B choreography from 2020. The Cocks were valiant in their efforts but unfortunately just couldn’t generate the scoring opportunities to get back on top. 

We do not celebrate losses, no matter how good, but we can certainly take pride from taking it up to the very best.